Swallowing My First Shemale

Nitromethane

It's been a couple of years now that I've been intrigued by shemales, and though I've met up with a few I've met online, I've still not gone any further than some stroking or letting them blow me.
I'm not sure what my hangup is, since I can't seem to stop watching these gorgeous girls on all the websites, but I'm still so nervous about taking that big first step into taking a shemale cock inside me. It's pretty weird that I'm so enthralled with videos of guys getting fucked hard or being force fed a big, hard shemale cock, but when I get the chance to do it, I chicken out.
Here I sit, again, jerking off to videos of other guys doing what I wish I could do. How do I make that jump from bystander to player? I know I can just call any one of the local shemales I've seen in the past and just set it up, but how do I get past the mental block in my head?
I know it's just an irrational fear of the unknown, but still, it's a fear that I haven't conquered. Well, as it's been said, the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
If I don't just go and do it, it'll never happen, and the truth is that I really want it to happen.
I want a shemale to take control of me and make me swallow her cum.
On screen, it looks like the most erotic thing I've ever seen, and I want to live it. I'm shaking just thinking about it, but I want this so bad.
I make the call.
The girl I've seen a few times the past couple months answers and we set up a meet, and like usual, I call when I park and she answers immediately when I knock.
She's beautiful. She's Hispanic, about 5'-5" with dark eyes, long, straight dark hair and a body built for sin, with perfect 36Cs, flat stomach with a hint of abs, nice curvy hips and an ass that just begs to be bitten.
She's wearing a black bra and panties and a see trough white teddy, and she's the sexiest thing I've ever seen.
She speaks with an accent and says she's missed me, and I want to believe her, but I'm shaking, I'm so nervous, because this isn't like the other visits when we stroked each other and she blew me and I was on my way.